Friday, February 03, 2006

Jeez, Grizz #4

Dear Journal,

Today was $1 margarita day at El Arroyo, or "the ditch" for all you
gringos. El Arroyo isn't the most sought after cuisine in Austin, more
of an afterthought, but they do have the most witty daily updated sign
out front. Anyway, on Thursdays they buckle up and offer dollar
margaritas that cater to the college crowd and old drunks like myself.

Speaking of my drinking I've really tapered off in the past year. I've
been with the love of my life for 12 years now and I've finally
decided that she, sweet lady booze, just isn't worth it anymore. When
you weigh 230 lbs and you've been drinking for over a decade it just
becomes a sloppy, dirty, costly monster of a habit. So nowadays I just
drink once or twice every other week. The only problem is that I still
think that I can hold my booze. So before it took 7 or so drinks just
to get my sea legs, and now I drink 7 and I think that I can pilot the

So my new habit is to go to dollar margarita night, alone, and try and
get some writing done while staying under a weekly booze budget of 10
dollars. What are you writing, Grizz, you may ask. Something in between
Mad Libs and Penthouse letters if you must know. Anyway tonight I had
a few lime/tequila dream bombs and then I decided to go get my clothes
back from some broads. Innocently enough, I left a sport coat at one
girl's house and a belt at another girl's house.

One girl is not my cup of tea whatsoever. I barely know her and
somehow I left my prized Oscar dela Renta sport coat at her house
during a "coat check" at her party. The other broad is more palatable,
still not really my speed, but she enjoys some of the same things I do
and is more tolerable in the looks department. She's been eyeing me
for a while and since I gave up on life and love a long time
ago....I'm game for whatever.

Anyway I talk the one gnarly into leaving my coat on her porch (so we
didn't have to speak) and I met the other girl at a dog park, pet her
dumb ass pooch and then got my belt back.

Feeling the highs of accomplishment without effort, I was driving home
when I got a text message: "I FORGOT TO ASK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

The dog park was very public and I knew that this broad was
embarrassed to make plans in front of strangers so I texted her back
and forth for a while until we decided on a time and a place to meet
for dinner.

Now as I said before this chick is good looking and has similar
interests, but the only reason that I'm going is that I have nothing
else to do and the OC jumped the shark awhile back so Thursdays are
perfect for hanging around women. So I take a shower and put on my
prized sport coat and head back out.

I show up a little late to the restaurant, all full of myself and
tequila and when I walked in the door I took a few steps and looked
around and then I heard "Grizz".

I turn around and there is the first girl. The lesser of the two.
She's sitting alone at a table for two and says "you're late"

I'm confused

I stare at her for a second and say "what are you doing here?"

She shakes her head and says "are you ever serious?"

I laugh nervously and tell her I have to pee

I go to the bathroom and desperately search through my text messages.

That fucking tequila tricked me; I had been talking to the wrong girl
for 2 hours.

So basically I spent $$ and wasted 2 hours of my life and broke a
life-long family tradition. My brother and I have always sworn that we
would never appear in public with anything but a STAR (a girl
completely out of our league.)

Of course I saw like 5 people I know and they looked at me like I was
eating with my cousin or something.



At 7:45 AM, Anonymous joy said...

Classic, drunky.


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